Cognitive Diffusion: How to get unhooked from difficult thoughts

Have you ever had a thought that just wouldn’t let go? Maybe it’s something like:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “Everything always goes wrong.”

• “They must think I’m so awkward.”

• “If I don’t get this perfect, I’ll fail.”

These thoughts can feel incredibly real in the moment. Loud, convincing, and heavy. And if you're human, you’ve probably tried a few things to get rid of them: argued with them, ignored them, spiraled into them, or distracted yourself with Instagram or TikTok.

But what if the goal wasn’t to get rid of the thought? What if the goal was to get some space from it? That’s where cognitive defusion can be helpful.

What is Cognitive Defusion?

Cognitive defusion is a concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that is about changing your relationship to your thoughts. Especially the ones that feel sticky, repetitive, or painful. Instead of asking “Is this thought true?” or “How do I stop thinking this?”, defusion asks: “Is this thought helpful right now?” And: “Can I notice this thought as just that…a thought?” The aim isn’t to erase or replace the thought. It’s to notice it for what it is: a sentence your brain is generating. Not an ultimate truth. Not a prophecy. Not a command.

Why It Matters

When we get fused with our thoughts, it’s like we’re wearing mental blinders. We react as if every thought is a fact, and our behavior follows suit. For example:

• The thought “I’m a failure” might lead to withdrawing, avoiding, or not trying at all.

• The thought “They’re mad at me” might lead to over-apologizing or people-pleasing, even if there’s no real conflict.

When you defuse, you create just enough distance to notice that you’re having a thought, not necessarily that it’s true or needs to be obeyed. And with that distance, you get choice. You can respond from your values instead of your fears.

Defusion in Practice: A Few Ways to Try It

These aren’t magic tricks. They won’t make the thought disappear. But they can take away some of its grip, which makes room for a different response.

1. Name the Story

“Ah, here’s the ‘I’m not good enough’ story again.”

Giving the thought a name reminds you: this is just a story your brain tells when you feel uncertain or vulnerable. And like most stories, it shows up in reruns.

2. Say It in a Silly Voice

“I am an awkward human disaster” (spoken like a robot, or Gollum, or a dramatic Shakespearean actor).

This might feel weird at first, but changing the tone takes the thought out of the “serious truth” category and puts it in the “oh, brain doing its thing” category.

3. Thank Your Mind

“Thanks, mind. I see you’re trying to protect me from disappointment again.”

Our minds love to generate worst-case scenarios. Sometimes acknowledging the intention behind the thought (even if it’s unhelpful) lets you move on more easily.

4. Put It on a Cloud or a Leaf

Imagine placing the thought on a leaf floating down a stream, or on a cloud drifting through the sky. You don’t have to follow it. Just watch it pass.

Thoughts aren’t the enemy

Some thoughts are useful. Some are not. Some feel urgent but aren’t true. Cognitive defusion isn’t about ignoring your thoughts or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about giving yourself space to choose how to respond. You’re not your thoughts. You’re the one observing them. And that’s a powerful place to be.

If you’d like support in untangling the mental loops that keep you stuck, book a free counselling consultation here.